Three Male Essentials

By Ross Buchanan

Men: You have found yourself at the beginning of a list consisting of three basic products that I believe will categorically improve your life.

The statement I’ve just made is bold; you have lots of lists to choose from, and by all means, look around at others. However, I encourage you to examine these items and consider not only the fashionable responsibility that each piece should have in your wardrobe, but also the practical way in which you’ll find each essential to your daily routine. If you thought that a bright red silk cumber bun/matching bow tie ensemble might be on this list, you were wrong. Men’s fashion has its roots in practical application of stylish products, and you wont get anything right until you master the fundamentals.

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I. Do yourself a favor and buy a nice pair of sandals. If you have an old pair that features frayed pieces of cargo cloth, or some variety of blown-out leather straps, I’m speaking to you directly. Go find those insults to your lower appendages and shoot them with the nearest firearm. This is not to say that all big, ugly sandals are uncomfortable, because that simply isn’t true; the problem is that if you have a pair of sandals like a frat boy, chances are that everyone who observes your feet will assume that you are one.

You are man; you have survived the ice age, traveled to the moon, and you now have permission to admit that you spent too much money on those Abercrombie sandals several years ago. And no, the pair of rubbery, cheap sandals from a gas station marina aren’t cutting it either. You actually look like a hobo when you wear those.

Buy a pair of leather sandals that you will want to care for. Whether that means a larger price tag, or simply a contemporary design that you like, you can find a pair of masculine sandals that will look good with your wardrobe, and that you won’t decide to go clam digging in.

II. If you’re not wearing a belt right now, and you’re not in your gym clothes, you should apologize to your girlfriend. If you don’t, she might decide that she no longer wants to date a man who can’t figure out how to use the world’s most effective device for not letting your ass hang out.

The belt is man’s friend during work and play; whether it has tools on it, or a good-looking buckle, the belt is imperatively functional. As far as practical fashion goes, you can’t get much more fundamental than an attractive, well-made belt. From the age that man discovered how to hold up his loincloth, the relationship between man and belt has continued to blossom.

For the record, your pair of draw-stringed pajama pants does not qualify as having a belt.

If a thick leather belt isn’t your style, you still have options: tightly woven belts can accent a pair of slacks while also doubling as a good look for your casual shorts. For the simplest way to keep your jeans up in a casual setting, try a double-thick nylon shoelace in a color that fits with the wash of your jeans. Cheap, I know, but skateboarders have been doing it for years because it works.

The great thing about a good belt is that it draws optical attention to a good-looking area of your body and compliments every single outfit that you wear. The belt keeps your button up tucked in, your pants at waist level (where they should be), and you will subtly appear more put together.

III. You remember that weird kid in elementary school who sat criss-cross applesauce on his hard plastic chair and had long pointy fingernails that he refused to cut? Perhaps that’s the look you’re going for with your unkempt hands, but please, read on.

A nail grooming kit can only help you if you use it. Having a travel kit with a file, clippers, and buffer is easy and will help you look like a human being instead of a wild animal. When used every day, a kit like this is a real lifesaver. Thirty seconds per finger per day will have your hands looking like… well, like hands should.  There’s really no good reason for your fingernails to be long enough to collect dark materials underneath them; the nails should remain short and healthy when you file them regularly, and if you have to pass for a few days, use the clippers. Keeping your nails short will reduce the temptation you may have to bite them off as well, which you should only do if you strive to look like a nervous, unprofessional cad.

A grooming kit will also come in handy when preparing your feet for your new summer sandals. Eliminating unsightly or excessive hair, filing your nails square, and clipping hangnails may take a little longer with your feet, but the results will also last longer and this tedious task is necessary for sporting nice footwear or going barefoot in the summer months. Your appendages are good to you, and even though you might not have them groomed in a professional salon, you can still appreciate how much they matter to your fashion choices (Why wear sandals if your feet look like hairy fried food? Why wear a nice watch if every time a young woman tries to admire it she has to look at your overgrown nails?)

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The advice included above is meant to help you improve the details of what you’re wearing, by tailoring those subtleties of your physical appearance that matter most. Your hands and feet will look and function better, your waist will look thinner, and you might find it easier to relax in those ever-so-fashionable sandals.